What it is like....
What is it like to wait for a child who you already love, to wait for a child who you have pictured in your mind a thousand times, who you long to hold in your arms? It is painful, dreadfully painful. In September 2005 my husband and I decided to adopt our child from China. At that time the wait was expected to be six to nine months until we would receive our child. By the time we jumped through all of the bureaucratic hoops, the wait had increased to nine to twelve months. That was in April 2006. I have been waiting over three years to bring my daughter home. Yes, she is my daughter even though we have never met. She is in my thoughts every hour of every day even though we have never met. My heart breaks knowing that we still will not meet soon, maybe not even this year. People who have not gone through this never ending wait cannot understand the agony that I go through every day, knowing that my daughter is still not home in my arms. Even my husband does not quite understand the agony and pain I feel because he is able to distance himself from the adoption process and will just tell me that our daughter will come home when the time is right. I am lucky to have wonderful co-workers that understand when I break down and cry because my daughter is still not home with me. I am lucky that my mom is so supportive and cry's right along with me when the wait just gets too much to handle at the moment. I am lucky that I have found many supportive friends in the adoption community who are struggling with this wait right along with me.
If for some reason my daughter could not come home, I would be devastated. I would grieve for my daughter who was never really mine. I would be in agony and would do anything to keep that from happening. I cannot describe how even the thought of this happening makes me feel. Just thinking about the possibility brings tears into my eyes and my stomach is in knots. Although my daughter is not home with me, she is in my heart and she is my daughter.
